I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
