Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
