Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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