How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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