the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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