Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
