Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
