Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
