Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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