In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
