I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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