i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
