Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
