Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
