she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have already put on my inside pants.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
