the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
