jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
there's paper in my vomit.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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