Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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