he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
