Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
