Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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