I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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