Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
