Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
