I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
