he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
