She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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