Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
