We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
