Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I did not marry a roomba.
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