you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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