why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
