Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
