go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
