I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
