I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
