why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
