I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
