Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
