Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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