Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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