Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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