He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Your penis caused this!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
