Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
