If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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