that's an acceptable place to lick
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
