Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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