i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
