ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
