ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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